Today while on a walk I thought about what drives me. Given my personality and disposition, I would rather just work on the sidelines, happy and content doing something I know how to do. I could’ve stayed in a job that was comfortable and provided more than I needed. If it were just up to me I’d like to stay quiet and just be with the people closest to me and those can be counted on one hand. I am not one who revels in the limelight and being thrust front and center. The hustle honestly takes so much out of me. I could do all these but I choose to do otherwise.
I do so because of an inner drive that constantly calls upon me. I don’t really know from where it comes from all I know is that it’s always been there beckoning for me to strive to be more. As I young girl I’ve always felt that there was more to what I had and that I could be so much more. It must have been poverty that did this to me or maybe I was just ambitious. But after all these years the drive has not waned, it has just gotten stronger and much clearer. Perhaps it is part of my make up, of who I am. It is the drive that prompts me to seek meaning in all that I do, the desire to seek answers to the questions and yearnings that always stir my soul. I welcome it as I’ve always had but this time I feel that I am embracing it more wholeheartedly. I guess this is because I’ve also come to terms with myself, my flaws, tendencies and blindspots a bit more. I feel that I have value to offer and that thought alone has helped me be enough, reassuring me that I’ll be fine amidst all that may come.