My husband and I had a thought exercise yesterday, thinking about what exactly we were doing ten years ago. I was a new mom, just got back to work, I was launching new properties and trying to find my footing as I was going through the transition of caring for another human being who was completely dependent on me. My husband just closed his company and started work at someone else’s. The years seemed to pass by so fast, marked by moments that are mostly unplanned. What is constant is that I always believe that we are better off every year.
This year, despite its challenges, is still better than last year. We were shifting and experiencing existential hurdles in business, ending partnerships, choosing friendships and trusting decisions made. This year we gained clarity on work that matters, distilled the themes of our lives and spent time reflecting on what we wanted to stand for. The year will end leaving us with focused questions to answer and a burning desire to align what we value with what we spend our energies and time on.
I have a few more weeks to wrap up these next steps. It feels like the year will end on a more somber and reflective note. I like this mood as we approach a crazy and hectic season. Perhaps I like it too because it gives me a flavor of how I wish to ease into the new year and how 2020 will roll out. Another year to look forward to, always much better than the last, moving forward and onward, deliberately and with increased intentionality.
I like doing solo stuff and don’t mind long stretches of solitude. But there also is something special when an experience is shared with someone you love or with a small group of people you genuinely enjoy being with. The last week was filled with moments such as these so my heart is full.
An intimate wedding with the couple’s closest friends and family, a long walk with a new friend around a crazy city, a guided tour that felt more like a date with a local friend, conversations as we lingered over breakfast or as we partook copious amounts of cocktail- these are the stuff that give me joy. These add meaningful layers in our lives.
Experiences may even be asynchronous and still remain to be shared. For instance, sharing the experience of taking care of one’s wellbeing through exercise even as you are doing different workouts gives the practice more substance. This is an activity that me and my husband enjoy doing and discussing. It has added a fun dimension to our interaction. Knowing that both of you are working towards your best selves in all the facets of your life imbues long term relationship with energy.
The past weeks have been about tuning in. I must have spent countless quiet moments over bullet proof coffee mulling over what’s next for me. Conversations and content sought were primarily to gain clarity or validation for the inner stirrings. Professional assessments were also taken to hopefully add data points that may further shed light to the decisions to be made. Movement and physical exercise were meant to manage the psyche that had to bear the challenge of figuring one’s self all over again. Solitude and reflection in its various forms has shaped this tuning in period.
Travelling solo is a unique tuning in opportunity. Because you have to be keen and alert to all that is happening around you, senses are fully heightened. One also tends to welcome new experiences while on the road. This openness lends itself as well to discovering and considering various possibilities that one wouldn’t have otherwise thought of under routine circumstances. Insights borne from immersive moments of travel make every trip worth the time and distance. My recent excursion was definitely marked by tuning in.
Writing is also another way of clarifying muddled thoughts. There is something about putting in written words reflections that would have just been swimming in the recesses of our minds. It gives flighty thoughts the substance needed for these to be given more careful consideration. I shall do more of this writing on this blog which I set on private for the past months for fear that it may be too raw. But if the risk of sharing too much is outweighed by the value of a clearer mind and heart, then why not open it up. Perhaps there also is someone out there going through their own version of figuring out and tuning in. So I shall try to write regularly again. So tune in!
I am going through yet another transition. It seems that I’ve gone through several. Sometimes I feel that I keep on going though these things that it gets tiring. But I also feel that it is part of the evolution that I continue to go through as part of growth. But there seems to be more emotions coursing through me this time. Perhaps it is because I also am sorting multiple layers and a multitude of experiences. So much feelings this time around.
Any transition is never easy. There could be a purging and a dying into one’s old self. There are questions that need to be grappled with. There are demons to deal with. It takes so much effort to move from one thing to another. That is why it is during these times that we also are at our most vulnerable. Transitions leave us raw to the point that we sometimes feel broken and bruised.
But from this pain rises a sense of comfort that whatever it is we transition into we can ultimately hurdle. I guess the difficulty of change prepares us for the change that eventually comes to be. Sometimes the prepping for the challenge is worst than the reality itself we are anticipating. Transitions are processes and not endpoints. The journey is part and parcel of the end goal of a new reality that we endeavor to shape and live.
This is all I can muster now. Things are unclear and my heart is heavy from not being able to express fully. But I continue to trust that I am on the right path and that my struggles are part of the process of figuring things out.
There is no other way I know how to proceed but to keep on showing up in the best way that I can. I will continue to listen wholeheartedly, speak honestly and lead with my heart. This has never gone wrong in the past and I will show up in this way.
Perhaps when I do I will also get to show how I hope others will be in the world. I hope this stance will create the start of a rhythm so we can work better. It is not easy to be orchestrating various things and persons but if we all show up to our truths then maybe things will be so much better. While I’m pondering on that I’ll just show up.
When we are pressured to deliver we tend to lose the fun in the work that we do. Finding the fun is treated as s waste of time. Instead we think we should think and do the serious stuff if we are indeed serious about the work that we do. But really, where is the fun in that?
This is a question that is as important as asking what matters. It does not have to be all business and formality when we talk about what is meaningful. The joy of finding that which should be the focus of our energy is as much tied to the method by which we carry it out. Finding meaning is finding joy. There is so much lightness in that.
Play takes out the stress, It injects creativity and life in our otherwise staid and bland states of work. There is nothing like welcoming a brand new day with a smile and a light heart. Doing so creates a much larger space to do and to be.
One step in front of the other is something I learned from years of running. It is a lot of work but it is what needs to get done to keep progressing. These steps are the components of forward motion. There is no other way.
But to step with bravery and courage is a more timely call in these times when I am co-creating something much larger than I am. It is a scary thought to take on a task that I know not how to fully accomplish. But I show up wholeheartedly everyday since that is the way I know how to be in the work that I do.
Every step taken with fervor and a lot of trust, there is something special in the mere act of choosing to step. It is not mere trudging along. It is a lifting of the spirit with every movement. So let us step ferociously everyday.