Last night, I gave myself permission to be angry about something that I thought was just a small matter. I cursed after having too much to drink and just ranted about how people can make choices that ultimately won’t give them the happiness and joy which they seek. It’s a good thing I have a life partner who lets me be and who patiently listens whenever I go on these tirades. He chides me this morning and asks if I remember how upset I was last night because I was obviously inebriated. I said I that I did and I guess it was because I was fully engaging with what I was feeling.
So timely that today’s reading is all about reckoning with our emotions, engaging with it and paying full attention to how we are as we let it take its course. Normally I would resort to not caring and shrugging it off. Other times I would just numb it or just bury it so I don’t have to deal with it. I grew up not talking much about how I was feeling so setting it aside was more of the default. But allowing myself to just feel the rage was good. I discovered another thing that I feel strongly about. It reinforced a value that I would like to live by.
As I sit here reflecting on this lazy Sunday morning, I commit to giving myself permission to listen more closely to how I am, being keen to what my body is telling me and being mindfully aware of my overall state of being. I think I’ll try out Brene Brown’s practice of keeping permission post-its in her back pocket as an explicit reminder of what we are allowing ourselves to go through.