I have a lot of these stories in my head. I think if people could read minds they wouldn’t be friends with me. I am quick to make judgements, I get emotional, I make up things, I make conclusions with limited or made up data, I get consumed by what I think is true. Reading up on this tendency, I realize that it is a way to self-preserve and quite common for people who always want to have a sense of certainty about how their life should go.
The go-to-stories typically have themes. It may range from “I don’t have anything of value to offer” to “I really cannot fully rely on him for anything”. These become default stories that we tell ourselves to make sense of our world. We like it when we understand how things are and if we can fit our realities into certain patterns. On the surface, there seems to be nothing harmful about operating this way. However looking closely, if this continues to be a vicious cycle we will get stuck with these stories and accept them as our own truths.
Stopping to recognize this impulse is a good first step. Being mindful that this is the first story we tell ourselves when we are at risk of being hurt is important. From this initial response, we move to awareness and then we “rumble”. To rumble is to try to make sense of our feelings, thoughts and behavior. It is also trying to learn more about the situation, about the people involved. Ultimately it is striving towards having a deeper understanding of ourselves. Choosing to rumble sets us on the right path to a life of wholeheartedness.