On Self Trust

This week I had to go to the embassy to renew my US visa. I forgot that electronics of any kind cannot be brought in. I just took an Uber and didn’t have a car where I could leave all my valuables behind. My worry may have been obvious because I was approached by a woman who offered to keep all my belongings. She said I may store these with her street vendor friend for a fee. I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it. I had to pay to entrust a stranger with all that’s important to me.

Sensing my slight hesitation, and perhaps they’ve seen this reaction numerous times, the women told me that they’ve been doing this for the past 25 years. They even gave me a claim stub with a photo of the street vendor lady so I have proof that I left my stuff with this particular lady. They tried to gain my trust in a span of two minutes. So I gave them all my belongings, bringing only my documents. Laughing while securing everything, I jokingly told them that my life’s work was in that bag.

As I quietly waited for my application to be processed, I couldn’t help but reflect on how easy it was for me to trust others, sometimes easier than I fully trusted myself. I was told just this week that I still continue to stand in the way of my own success. I have not fully trusted myself to be truly successful and am the very person holding myself back. It is the old models of doing things, biases that no longer work for me and insecurities that need reckoning with. Yoga teachers have told me that I may have trust issues, not realising that the primary issue was one of self-trust.

Once again I was reminded that I remain to be a work in progress. There are lots to do on this project. This thought leaves me energised and not dampened because I know that I will be strengthened and enriched by all that I have yet to learn. I like being a newbie because I know that there is no other path but growth. I will continue to trust this process even as I work on fully trusting myself.

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