I’ve been reading up on Stoicism and trying to practice not being too focused on the outcome but more on the process. My husband says (and I would like to believe him) that I have shown marked improvement in dealing with uncertainty. I’d like to think in I have gotten much better at handling things that don’t go as planned.
But today I still felt disappointed. I allowed myself to feel this instead of succumbing to a much stronger emotion like frustration and anger. I still felt bad because I had to go through something that filled up my headspace only to be told that plans may have to shift. I just felt that everyone was given clarity of options right from the start of the conversations but chose to do otherwise. I know that ultimately outcomes are out of our hands. It’s just hard to not feel anything when you go through the process and spend energy as you do so. It’s energy that I could’ve spent elsewhere.
I am also disappointed because I was already looking forward, excited for the plans to be carried out. A lesson here is to really just do your best and be present as you do the needed task. It’s staying true to the process, enjoying what I am learning from doing and engaging with what needs to be done. Maybe if I remember this more I would be less disappointed next time. But for now I will just give myself the permission to feel disappointed.