Struggling with Surrender

To most people I may seem like a carefree, adventurous soul. But to the ones closest to me, they know that I have difficulty just letting go. I am afraid of losing control and it manifests in many ways. 

For instance, I have been practicing yoga more regularly for almost a year now. Teachers have told me that I have the fundamentals in place and that I am strong. But for the life of me I can’t seem to relax whenever I need to do inversions, especially head stands. They say that the head stand is a heart opener and a manifestation of trust. It is true that our yoga practice reflects how we are and who we are. Perhaps these are deep trust issues, fear of the uncertain and desire for security that have marked me for years. Definitely not easy to overcome. So I was happy that I finally got to do not one but four headstands (albeit assisted) last week. And I realized it is not that hard to do and that the tension crowding my mind was from my overthinking. 

This unlocked something in me. It has opened my mind to the possibility of completely surrendering because you trust in your strength and your center. It is also about trusting your process and the people you share this with. And this extends to work as I take bigger leaps of faith. It’s really true that how you do one thing is how you do everything.

Today I struggled once more and I was not able to surrender in the pose. I’m a little frustrated but I just gotta try again tomorrow. That’s why they call it practice. 

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