Steady, stable, dependable, calm, easygoing- this is most likely how people would describe me. This is apparent in work, relationships and even in my training. It is a persona that I have honed and practiced for many years. Perhaps it’s also now a part of who I really am after consciously interacting with the world in this manner, everyday.
But I know I have a temper that I must have inherited from both my parents. I have seen this flare up during rare moments and it has not been pretty. I’d rather really keep it at bay. More profoundly, I realized that there is an inner rage in me that I think came from my dad. Somehow I have tried to tame it and instead call it my inner crazy. Interestingly me and my dad share the same crazy eyes- hazel, cat-like.
This I see in the impulsive actions I do, when I do things that are “out of character”. But lately I have not really cared as much as I used to about what others would think. There’s a millennial term for this – DGAF (just look it up). But I do care a lot about what the most important people think and hold dear. So we really should not wrestle against this inner crazy and embrace it wholeheartedly. It’s a good thing then that my years of being the good and responsible person that I also am balances this all.
But this rage, this chip on the shoulder, is fuel to make things happen. It is the drive to excel and find purpose in what we choose to devote our limited time on. It is our strong desire to do more and be more in this world.