Not So Christmassy

I haven’t stepped into a mall for a while and so I wasn’t ready for the mad dash of people shopping and getting together for the holidays that welcomed me yesterday. I was jarred by the chatter. I was also amused to see all sorts of cute but useless stuff that we’re going off the shelves as people scrambled to find gifts that looked more expensive than they actually cost. The reassuring melody of Christmas carols piping in cast some semblance of order amidst the chaos.

I honestly do not feel the season yet despite all these. I flit from one party to another, not caring much about what our company gave out as gifts to clients or who I picked for the exchange gift. I didn’t even notice that our Christmas tree has been up until my kids pointed it out. My mind has just been filled with other things. And just like the past years I have decided that as long as my children and husband are happy that’s all that matters. The rest can just go by without any engagement from me.

I’ve also been feeling less social and craving for moments of solitude. It may not just be the season’s chatter but my own mind’s that needs to be silenced. The quiet is what energises me to go back to what I do with fervor and resolve. It is the self-care and nourishment that I most need to keep thriving and flourishing. I don’t make any apologies when I have to just set off on my own. Even my kids know that it’s time to play elsewhere when I bring up a bottle of wine, even before I ask for a few minutes of alone time. It’s a good thing that I actually enjoy my own company so my periods of solitude have been nothing but wonderful.

This mindset of choosing to do what makes sense to you and what makes you happy without being drawn to what the world expects or what happens around you is something I would love to keep doing. Not because it’s Christmas that I have to be all jolly and upbeat. Listening to my children’s laughter and their constant chatter is what moves me. Knowing that my husband thought of me and bought me a gift during his whirlwind of a business trip makes my heart flutter. Seeing my team enjoy a simple lunch or chatting with my closest friends engage me. Having a nice cup of coffee as I quiet my mind enriches me. For me that is all that matters. That is Christmas or any other day of choosing what brings me joy.

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