Being A Newbie

I was overwhelmed yesterday. It was my first day at a new venture. Everything felt new and uncertain. I was just tired at the end of the day. As I reflected why this was so I realised that it was because I was trying too hard and putting my best foot forward, wanting to look good and smart. I felt that the day’s success would be hinged on me figuring it out before everyone else.

But that is not the point of this journey. It is actually a period of making mistakes and failing fast. I then told myself that I will see it more as play, as a sandbox to test my own beliefs and assumptions. And most of these could be wrong but that’s okay. I’ll be okay. I need to remind myself of this.

It’s not an easy state for me to be a newbie even if I say I’m open to this. The early stages scare me because of the uncertainty. But I think I am much better at it than the first three times I’ve done it. I’d like to believe that I have learned something from all these failures and experiences. And I am still learning anew, showing up all over again everyday.

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