I learned a new thing from my daughter today. A cinquain is a poem that is structured in a specific way. So today I attempt to make one:) Happy Sunday!

Sundays

Fun, easy

Relax, recover, refresh

Time for self reflection.

Rest.

We typically equate a surprise with a feeling of delight at the discovery of something unexpected. But surprise can also mean being unsettled in the face of unfortunate events. I like this grounded meaning of the word. It connotes something that leaves us stirred, like a call to be more curious. It compels is to ask more questions and revel not just in the answers but in the inquiries themselves.

Rilke puts this beautifully when he speaks of living the questions. We ask when we don’t know or when we are caught unaware. There is a sense of wonder in the midst of a surprise and this leaves our imagination running. It compels us to ask what is it, why is this so, how come? There may be various permutations of this existential query but at the heart of it is a desire to know more and also do more.

Surprise compels us to act. We cannot unsee it because it has lit a spark within us. The inner workings of our being reverberate and won’t keep still until we find out more or do something. And even if we don’t the asking is the act in itself. We berate kids sometimes for just doing without thinking. Actually they are, thinking with curiosity, surprised with how the world works and just flowing and moving with this wonder. So just like a child, let’s open ourselves up to being surprised everyday.

Sometimes I leap before I look. I do so when I’m faced with something that I’m obviously scared of but need to absolutely learn. Signing up for an Ironman 70.3 triathlon race even before I even knew how to swim and bike was very much like this. But what that experience gave me apart from learning these skills is the firm belief that I can still learn new things, excel in them if I put in the time. That taught me to be deliberate about my learning and skill building.

So just this week I once again signed up for something that I didn’t really know much about. I did so because I think it will push me to be a better speaker and storyteller. For this gig there is no other way but to show up front and center, sharing my entrepreneurial story. Always one to work on the sidelines, listening more to others share about themselves than speaking, this stint is definitely outside of my comfort zone. They say magic happens when you explore beyond the fringes. So let’s see. I’m hoping to sharpen my edge through this.

Saying yes to this experience is also part of a personal experiment I am conducting. I just want to flow into things instead of forcing any situation. I listen closely and flow towards my inkling. I follow movement and breath not just in exercise but also as I go through my day. So far it has kept me less frazzled and has allowed me to think more clearly. Combining this practice with the nervous energy of saying yes to new things seems like an interesting mix. So here goes….

I was brooding from an episode of perceived affront. I say perceived because upon close reflection I may have exaggerated the situation in my head. To blow off steam I walked off and kept muttering to myself that I won’t take shit from anyone anymore. I reminded myself to ask for what I need and be clear about my ask. But a voice inside me countered by saying “Choose kindness first.”

When faced with not so great situations, those that are not to our liking, we tend to act defensively. This is human nature to protect ourselves either through fight or flight. I typically close off and because I do I don’t get to articulate my stand about matters. But I misunderstood the alternative to not take any BS to be a call for assertion and defensiveness. Good thing the walk did me a bit of good and allowed me to reconsider my stance. I was called to instead come from a space of possibility where people are all trying to do their best and kindness is a much better first response but to be clear in your acceptance that you also won’t tolerate any shit.

So yes I will try to choose kindness and trust that people are trying to be their best selves. It is a more abundant approach but it is imperative to be mindful to also be kind to myself so I can keep this cup overflowing. Sometimes that’s the hardest to do. I am motivated to do so because I think this is the best way to teach my children how to be in the world. There really is no other way but to be kind.

I cringe at the thought of just winging it. I’m not an anal planner but neither am I the throw-it to-the-winds type. I like to have some semblance of organisation to at least get the bases covered. So I felt a bit flustered as I faced women who I invited to a learning session. I was leading the discussion about a topic that I am totally a newbie on. I chose to do so because I felt it was a very good way to learn. It was unnerving and I was struggling to explain the most basic things. What was clear was that I needed more practice.

Sometimes we have to show up even before we are ready. This weekend’s experience of just getting right into the job is my way of pushing beyond the edges. I personally gave myself a 6/10 from a delivery standpoint but I allowed myself higher marks for just getting started. Movement gives clarity on what to do next and how to move forward.

So I’ll convene another session next month and between now and then I just have to practice distilling the concepts in my head and have conversations around this. Not to look better in front of others but to make sure that I make their showing up worth their while. In the process I learn faster and appreciate the inner workings of this exciting industry I am trying to understand. So the call to plod on continues to toll.

I am participating as an observer at a global organisation’s entrepreneur selection panel this week. I was expecting to just learn about business related stuff, metrics, unit economics, etc. I was unprepared for the onslaught of questions that peeled the layers off each candidate, looking for clarity on why he is doing whatever business he is doing. The existential queries are the same ones I ask myself everyday and so they tugged at my heartstrings, prompting me to reflect all over again.

The most powerful of these is the question “What is holding you back?” I realised that it is not about the money or resources. I asked myself five times and it boils down to fear. I am afraid of failing, of not being in control, of uncertainty, of looking stupid, etc. It is one’s mindset that holds us back. This is a universal truth. It is human nature. And it is good to be reminded that most of the time we are the only roadblock to our own success.

It is important to be mindful of this since at the core of every meaningful endeavor is a person who decides to show up everyday to create something beyond himself. And he will only be able to do so by crystallising what it is that he doesn’t want to be held back from. It is his why that allows him to keep at it even when faced with feelings of self doubt and inadequacy. I think the fear will never go away nor the insecurity but what will sustain as well is the belief that there is a much higher mission and purpose to what it is we are doing. So what is holding you back from this?

It was my first time to listen to Seth Godin’s Akimbo podcast. Today’s topic was about Game Theory and how mathematical methods are used to navigate around scarcity. He talks about the two types of games- the finite and infinite. Finite has a clear start and end, specific winners and losers and a definitive goal. On the other hand an infinite game is one that aims not just to win what is perceived as scarce but to keep doing for the sheer joy of the game. The goal is to just play.

I like his definition of a game. It is one that does not spring from scarcity but one that gives first before it asks for what it can get back. It is something I am learning as well in the new work project I am embarking on . I am compelled to rush and find hacks to doing things as I am told to move fast or else others will just get ahead of me. I spent my entire life living from this perspective of not enough. I don’t want to live the rest of my life doing so. Flow, flourish and excel is what I aspire to do.

It is asking what I can give to the community, what new thing can I introduce, what new ways of being and doing can be initiated, what meaning can I imbue to a world that has given me so much? A shift to a space of abundance, a movement towards grace. I hope to keep asking these questions even if I have to rush and hustle. I am in here for the long haul and although sprints are sometimes necessary, I’d like to play the infinite game with a wellspring of energy that keeps on giving.

I ran a half marathon in extreme heat today. For the first five kilometres my head was crowded with thoughts – from looking good to proving that I was a great runner to my posture and breathing. It was mostly about me. I already know that when I am in this state I feel unnecessarily pressured and worried. So I forced myself to just smile even as I took a beating under the hot midday sun.

This has always worked for me, the smile that starts as a pretend and forced one eventually warms and lights up my heart. It triggers a decision to get out of my head and into my heart, being present to all that was happening inside and outside of me. It prompts me even to see humour in the most dire of situations, just like this one. And I had lots of funny moments and mishaps on this race including making a wrong turn and having blocks of ice sliding down from back to ass. Only when I ceased to think just for myself did I ease up.

Then I was kinder to others and smiled sincerely, acknowledging each one I passed. I gave a reassuring pat to team mates who I felt needed an extra boost of support. I was also kinder to myself, making sure I took proper care of what I needed in every aid station. I mentally and physically reset every five kilometres, dividing the stretch into smaller more manageable chunks that I can hold in my head. This proved to be the best result of loosening up that got me to the finish line, smiling and dancing. Very fitting lesson for me as I go through a work struggle that needs getting out of my head:)

Afternoon snack time

Little kids, hungry tummies

Giggles, my heart sings. 💜

I was among very confident women recently, all accomplished and leaders in their respective fields. Articulate, stylish and well put together- they embody all that I want to become when I grow up. As I hopped from one conversation to another i couldn’t help but observe that the source of confidence is not just the career advancement that they have experienced but springs from a genuine sense of self that takes things in stride. It was a grounded kind of confidence.

These C-Level women were not muscling their way to outdo the other but listening, coaching and cluing each other on how best to manage situations that arise in their leadership roles. They were not afraid to admit that social occasions exhausted the introvert in them nor were they hesitant to confess that they would rather go to their kid’s parent teacher conference than to listen to strategic presentations. They take matters that they’ve defined as most important super seriously but have learned to laugh at how silly they are when they overly worry. They’re okay just being themselves in all their beautiful broken splendour.

I stood in rapt wonder as they spoke their minds, telling me that when I turn 40 my mindset will shift and that I will be a much more confident person. Butterflies in stomach won’t go away but that I’ll be okay with most things, even those that don’t go my way. Such warm reassurance from an army of women who’ve made it work, based on their own terms, unapologetically grounded and forthright, simply earnest as they try to lead authentic lives in all the roles that they play. This was super valuable. I just wanna be like them when I grow up 🙂