If there is one thing I am very particular about when I race, it is wearing the right gear for the weather. This is true not just for race day but pre and post race as well. Planning for race travel outfit is especially challenging when traveling to places with unpredictable weather where microclimates are quite common. More so if you are doing back-to-back marathons in two different places with different weather conditions. This was the case for the Boston to Big Sur Marathons. 

For the Flight

Destination races are fun and I love the entire trip end to end, including the long haul flights. What is important though is to make sure that you are relaxed and comfortable during the entire flight. I prefer athletic gear and it’s good thing that sports brands have styles that are not too sporty but more lifestyle, what they typically term athleisure. I particularly like yoga brands like Prana for their breathable but non-flimsy fabric. Brands like North Face also have leisure or everyday wear that is not too light nor heavy for plane travel. Comfort is an utmost priority when you know that you will be racing in the next couple of days.

Pre-Race

Some people do shakeout runs after a long flight to battle the jetlag and to stretch. I like doing that plus yoga to help in stretching the tight and bundled muscles. Given that I do these exercises, I typically have fifty percent of my luggage allocated for workout gear. These same clothes I also use sightseeing so I get to still travel light. I don’t really like bringing too much stuff and so I prefer multi-use things.

Race Day

An outfit can make a whole lot of difference during a race. It seems trivial but if you are confident in your outfit prep it will affect your overall race confidence. Also, every discomfort exponentially gets magnified every kilometer when you are tired and spent. So it is absolutely important to plan well. 

For Boston, I was worried because of the weather. But it turned out to be a shorts and tank top running day and so I donned my tried and tested gear because this is a major race for me. I was a mighty glad that it was pretty simple outfit-wise. 

For Big Sur, it was trickier. The start time was earlier and because the course is on the coast, microclimates are the norm. Conditions there shift drastically in a matter of minutes. So I had to be extra ready for any change in temperature. I had a throwaway sweater as top layer, then a Salomon wind breaker that was light and handy enough to tuck into my pocket in case it gets warmer, then a long sleeved running shirt. I don’t wear thermals because this will leave you feeling too hot when the temperature rises. You are better off with dri-fit breathable fabrics. This was just the right outfit for that course, flexible and adaptable to the schizophrenic weather. 

Happy at halfway point. So far my outfit has kept up with the weather.

Post-Race
I rarely wear compressions during the race but it is a must post-race as part of the recovery. I wear compression bottoms and thermal tight tops to just keep the muscles warm and cozy as they recover. I like the feeling of the fabric hugging my body after it went through a beating. I wear compressions under everyday wear for a couple of days and it has helped a lot.

So in races, it is not just mental and physical preparation. Outfit planning is part of the preps and can contribute to how comfortable your race week will be. 

I’ve been observing start up entrepreneurs more closely this past month, trying to understand why startup people are into mindfulness. I try not to bring it up in conversations but it seems to crop up at one point when people start to talk about how we cope with the uncertainties of the work that we have chosen. Someone pointed it out succinctly and said that it is because of the culture of “We’re fucking slayin’ and killin’ it”. Even if they are truly troubled about a million things, totally unsure of how to do things and where things will go they project that they’ve figured it out down pat.

This could be the reason why there is clamor for meditation as a way to make sense of things and settle into a stable state while the world tumbles in disarray. It is a way of finding order in the chaos. But more than that it is a practice to gain not just calmness but focus and clarity. It is a time to detach and distance one’s self from the everyday impatience. At its core is also an intent to discover the connections that we can’t seem to arrive at during our day to day problem solving and troubleshooting. 

For me it is also having a unique time all to myself, in silence. The solitude is a form of self care that is much needed in a world that is noisy and hyperconnected. Before anyone or anything else vies for my attention, I give stillness to myself as an everyday gift. Being present to this practice has allowed me too to be present in all that I do. This is the gift that I hope to give to the world every single day. 

I haven’t written for a couple of weeks. Instead I spent the time just consuming content spanning the topics that I am currently curious about- from podcasts to blogs to books and even from conversations. I’ve also been experimenting with various meditation techniques and practicing my yoga almost everyday. I needed the pause to fill up my cup so I can give more in all that I do, including writing. 

The content themes hover around presence, mindfulness, attention, introspection, decision making, relationships and the different layers of love. These may seem varied but I have observed intersections which I will be writing about in the next posts. Perhaps I am  drawn to these subjects because these are most apt for my current state.  It is interesting though that my husband seems to be consuming the same content so we now have animated and engaged conversations around these. 

I noticed also that people’s eyes light up when they talk about these stuff, as much as they do when talking about the work that they spend most of their waking time on. I suddenly am curious why there seems to be an increased interest  and remarkably so in tech and start up environments. It could be due to the uncertainties that are at the core of entrepreneurship. Because things are inherently unsure there is a need to find an anchor, a steady practice that one can latch on amidst the chaos. We discover this and we define it for ourselves as we strive for a kind of groundedness that allows us to be our most free selves.

I’ve been thinking about this post for several months now. I think it started while I was mulling over what new passion project to pursue after I finish the Road to Majors one. While going through this exercise, I realized that when we become adults with responsibilities, it is not that common to commit time and energy to take on a superfluous endeavor, pursuits that are not work or family related. This is especially true when you are a mom. 

In the past months I’ve had conversations with women from different backgrounds. The reasons for coming together were varied but a recurring theme that seemed to surface at some point was one of self-care guilt. We feel remorseful when we choose to spend our extra time doing things for ourselves. We get uneasy at the thought of making time to do things that we deem as totally unnecessary because they don’t serve a work or family-related purpose. We sometimes think we are a bad mom for wanting to “waste time” on personal projects or when we do things not for anything else but their own sake. 

But who is this bad mom? Let’s go through a few examples. 

She is ambitious. She likes being a leader and takes command of endeavors that build value. She does so because she also believes in the value she brings to the table and ultimately because in her lies the drive to excel in all that she chooses to focus on. 

She is selfish. She chooses to do things sometimes not for anyone else or not for any higher purpose but to take good care of herself. She does this because she believes that she can give more and be more in all the roles that she plays if she fills her cup. Building up her self abundance allows the gift of herself to overflow to all that matters to her. 

She is irresponsible. She likes doing things just because it is fun. She revels in the giddiness of her children as they share an ice cream even before they have breakfast. She is one of the first people to say yes to the idea of daytime drinking with her closest friends because she knows she has to be home for homework.  

She is irrational. She is all heart. She loves and gives even if she does not fully understand why. She does so because she wants to and grows every single day that she does so. But she also listens to her gut and “just knows” things even without  a logical explanation. There’s much to be said about a mother’s instinct. 

She is insensitive. She does not sweat the small stuff and DGAF about things that don’t truly matter. She cares deeply and passionately though about the few important people in her life and what they think and feel. And has defined what matters of great consequence mean to her , choosing to devote her limited head and heart space on these instead. Otherwise, she just let’s it slide. 

She is negative. She says “no”a lot of times. When compelled to do something, she asks if this is a hell yeah. If the answer is not a resounding yes, then she just walks away. She preserves her limited energy for things that fuel her and make her feel alive. She chooses to give her full attention to that which she loves wholeheartedly. 

She is clingy. She sometimes just wants to spend every waking moment with her partner. She likes being a girlfriend all over again, having long brunch dates or an overextended nightcap. She makes sure her children are in the hands of people she trusts fully so she can simply enjoy her date. 

She doesn’t like company. She loves her quiet times. She seeks out silence, taking long walks or even traveling on her own to deliberately find and ground herself. She needs this to refresh her well of generosity that perpetually gives. She is the gift that keeps on giving but she can’t continue to do so if her vigor is sucked dry. Solitude is her respite and oasis. 

She is not always present. She does not spend every minute with her children. She knows that they have to grow as unique individuals and this happen not always under her watchful eye. She admits that she may not be the best person to teach them or to inspire them but that she does her best every time. She has accepted that as a mom, it is okay to just be good enough. But when she is with them, she is fully there. 

She is guilty.  Guilt is something she has constantly dealt with especially in a society that highlights mothers as ever nurturing and self-sacrificing. Even if she tries not to feel this way and she knows she can give more to her loved ones if she consciously chooses to do more and be more, she can’t help but be burdened by this feeling of shame.  

This guilt that surrounds self care is further kindled by even the closest people to us. My own mom makes me feel like a bad mom when she tells me that she pities my kids when I’m away traveling. My friends who have made it their choice to be ultra hands-on parents sometimes make me feel this way even if they don’t intend to. Society makes us feel guilty. Social media amplifies this further. Despite living in a modern society, there  remains to be the notion that moms should take care of everybody.  But who takes care of mom and how can she thrive? 

She will flourish if  she has her own space to do so. Allow our moms to find themselves in the various aspects of their lives. Give them the breathing room to explore so they can come back rejuvenated to take care of everyone else’s spaces. 

She will blossom if she is celebrated as an individual. Let her be her own self apart from her family. She is beautiful in her own entirety. Her worth is within and will continue to shine forth and brightly as she is treated with respect as a unique person. 

She will succeed if she defines her own measure of being a good mom. If she thinks it’s okay to give her kids cereals at breakfast so she can just relax and fully engage her little ones  without worrying too much whether they are eating, then that’s okay. Okay is good enough. 

She will grow fully if she is supported. She knows that she needs others to help her become a good mom. She makes sure that she builds a strong support team who she can delegate the other aspects of being a mom to. This allows her to focus and bring her full self to the other things that matter to her without constantly worrying about her family. It helps a lot if her life partner is also her staunchest supporter. 

She will thrive in being a mindful mom. This is someone who is focused and fully present when she is playing the role of mom. She is fully engaged, basking in the warmth of her children playing all around her. They vie for her attention and she gives this in leaps and bounds. She makes  deliberate choices about how her day flows and sets limits so she can be there when she said she would. She does this everyday, trying to be the best mom she can be even if she knows the best she could muster as a bad mom is just being a good enough mom. 

Happy Mothers’ Day to us! 

We often apologize when we over react to things. We say sorry when we think we are demanding or asking for more than we normally do. We feel guilty when we are “too much”. Oftentime I am this way, not wanting to be a burden to anyone. I don’t like asking much from others and am extra careful not to be too much. 

But one of yesterday’s Brain Pickings readings gave me so much comfort, touching on why it is perfectly okay to be so. Apologizing when you strongly ask for what you need and want is tempering the significance of that which you are asking for. And sometimes when you keep things steadily at bay, others will not fully grasp how important it is for you. Your overreaction and impatience are indicators of what matters to you. So it is good to listen to these things that lead us to emotional excess. 

I can count on one hand those who have witnessed me being a little too much. I kinda want to keep it this way since I value the privacy that only is accessible to the closest of relationships. I may write about what I think and feel but these are those that I don’t mind sharing with everyone for the purpose of opening the possibilities for others too. But I’d like to curb the tendency to apologize for “out-of-character” actions or responses. Or maybe I’ll just hang out more with the few people who are totally fine with me being a little too much. 

I tried one of Tara Brach’s meditation today. It’s called “The Center of Now”. Comprised of body scanning and sensing, she calls the individual to ease into a relaxed presence. There is no forcing nor judgement. It is interesting though that she seems to know exactly at which part of the practice the mind wanders.She actually thinks that’s okay so that the mind may be trained for “homecoming”, a bringing back of the attention to the present. 

It was just a 16 minute exercise but I had a hard time getting out of my head. My mind kept on fluttering away and I had to constantly coax it back. I was in such a state when I entered today’s unguided yoga class. This further escalated my stress considering I was already feeling the pressure of remembering all the poses. But then I remembered what a friend said about yieldedness and I chose to lean into this instead. 

Yieldedness seems to be about letting go. But it is an active ceding of control, a kind of faith that surrenders in its humility and preparedness. It is easing up all the holdings within so we can create a space where the stillness can reside. Not easy but what helped today was a soft smile that gave way to openness and acceptance. The lifting of the eyes and the mouth as I smiled were enough to release the tension. Once again, I get to witness how small, simple tweaks work to make a whole world of difference, a tiny step at a time. 

A few days ago I asked my children what they wanted to do for the day. They said they just want to do nothing. And I asked why they didn’t want to do anything. My daughter breathes in exasperation and spoke to me as if she were trying to patiently explain to a little girl. “Mom, doing nothing is still doing something. It has the word DO, right.” Yes she is right. Once again there is wisdom in what kids say. Choosing to do nothing is an action by itself. It is choosing inaction. 

There are certain instances in our lives when the call is to not do anything because doing so will further complicate matters. Acting on it may also move us further from our primary intent. Or it may also cause others or even ourselves some harm. The natural reaction when faced with a situation is to find immediate resolution. We want to put closure as much as we can. But acting in haste before thinking through oftentimes result in sub par results. Maybe a pause is what is needed. 

But if doing nothing is hard, maybe we can do something else instead. And this something else should be as different from that which we want to do. Call it a diversion or distraction but I like to think of it as the space needed for new ways and ideas to simmer. The distance allows the forging of connections beyond the obvious.Before you know it, without doing anything, all will eventually fall into their right places. They just need the time and the breathing room to do so. Doing nothing is not so bad after all. 

The start of a new routine is always a struggle. The body is in a state of tension because all its faculties need to be alert to every single action. It is taking in all things again, absorbing every stimuli and interaction. And at the same time it is unlearning things, letting go of old practices. You can’t cruise into autopilot because you are unsure of your surroundings and uncertain about yourself all over again. You question whether you can take in the new, learn skills and adapt to a different way of doing. 

But it is also these new routines that draw us back to a state of mindfulness. Because we pay closer attention, sum up our concentration as we work on weaving it into our day to day. It also awakens in us questions whether existing practices, assumptions, beliefs and even people are still suited to be part of our days and nights. Being in this situation puts us in a state to rethink our ways of doing things, assessing which ones we can weed out and replace with those that can give us a fresh perspective. It’s good to periodically shake up our lives a bit.

What my new routine gives me is a more focused and stringent yoga and mindfulness practice. I get to surround myself with people who are very good and dedicated that all they talk about, even in the locker rooms, is yoga. The teachers are gentle with their words but firm in their instructions. I like it that they say it as it is. Today I felt that the teacher was looking straight at me when she told us to get out of our heads and more into the practice as the poses start to feel more challenging and our bodies more tired from previous poses. That is what I just needed, a reminder to cede control so I can be more control of my practice. This beautiful tension continues to intrigue and challenge me, what draws me to make this new routine work for and with me. 

I can imagine many of us runners glued to our screens last Saturday waiting in anticipation as Eliud Kipchoge attempted to break the two hour marathon time. This has never been done in the history of mankind. Just to cite how amazing this feat is, it took sixteen years to move from a 2:06 world record to a 2:02 and given this trajectory, a sub-2 would only be possible by 2030. There are a lot of factors to consider including VO2Max levels or the capacity of our body to efficiently utilize oxygen, lactation threshold or how much the body can handle lactic acid build up and running efficiency or how one’s running form optimizes overall performance. The conditions have to be ideal- wind, elevation, temperature, etc. But I think more than anything, the runner has to be mentally ready and fully believe that indeed he is capable to even go for this moonshot.

Eluid may have finished it in 2 hours and 25 seconds, not breaking 2 hours but he opened up our minds to what is possible. His calm and collected demeanor through out the marathon spoke of how clarity of intent allows us to be in such a focused state. The dedication he put into training was a testament that anything worth doing entails sacrifice and commitment. He also taught a us how to be a soldier who followed through because he knew that it was what was needed to accomplish what he set out to do. His performance last Saturday strengthened the world’s resolve to continue asking “what if”, breathing renewed life to each and everyone’s imagination.

It also got us started to think about our own versions of the sub-2. What are the things that seemed insurmountable at the start that are now within striking distance? What was scary then that is not so now because of repeatedly considering or even doing? For me it’s the fear of failing and falling that actually get scarier because of overthinking. I see this in my running, yoga practice, parenting and at work. But I’d like to lean into this fear more. I try to be keen to the first physiological signs and the moment I feel my clammy hands I sum up the courage and pull myself up instead of cowering and feeling small. Not easy and not always done but I just keep trying. And when I do so, I leave with a sense of accomplishment for leaning in and just showing up. 

Traveling is great for its novelty and surprises but a part of me thrives in the simplicity of a routine. After being out for over a couple of weeks because of the two marathons, I can’t wait to just get back into the rhythm that I’ve been building over time. I long to just go about my ordinary everyday. 

Today is the start of that and it’s a bit of a struggle, with different factors to hurdle. One is the jetlag and another is the fact that children and the people in our household need to get used to having us around again. But the most challenging one is not being able to do one of the things that used to shape my mornings because I cannot afford to do so anymore. It was a downer but I knew that I had to choose my priorities and get things in order. There always are other methods I can replace it with, at least for now. 

I love coming back to the familiar as much as I seek out pursuits of adventure. It is the day to day that grounds me and helps me face the unexpected. Settling into the mornings allows me to take on the varied daily interactions. Things may go haywire throughout the course of the day but if you give me my mornings I know that I can fully take on anything. I will be making a few tweaks to my morning routine to adjust to what I can manage now but what is important is having that sense of control over how your days start. There’s so much pleasure in knowing that you are deliberately pulling yourself together so you can flow freely for the rest of the day.