You are where you need to be. This opened up my yoga class this morning. Fitting reminder since I have been thinking of heading some place else to travel and have a change of scenery. Must be my perpetually itchy feet or because I have not traveled this year. Or perhaps it’s out of envy since people I know have been in various places or have awesome travel plans. I don’t have any.

But maybe I am called to simply stay put for now and do the work that I need to do. I am in the middle of doing meaningful work and thus I need to be here. Right here and right now is my destination.

I recently started on a strength training routine. For years I mostly did cardio through my running and spinning and then yoga for flexibility and stability. I have never had a strength practice perhaps because I have not found a program that weaves into a habit. This year I vowed to include it primarily to set a more solid fitness base as I move into my 40s.

One thing that surprised me about this type of training is its focus on intention. You may be doing the same movement as someone else but if you have different intentions, it will impact a different muscle area. I like the idea of intentionality in movement. I never would have thought that lifting weights would have this as a core principle. I also like it that the practice seems to operate based on key principles that flow as you progress. It starts with repetition to build muscle so you can lift heavier. Repetition is also for muscle memory so the form leaves its imprint in your physiological makeup, ensuring that you are mindful of how you do a workout, consequently avoiding injury. All these build up to a strength that allows you to lift heavier and get stronger. Overall it is an interesting and deliberate cycle.

Another principle that struck me was the notion of being “in tension” or keeping all your core muscles, limbs tight and introducing tension to the body. I used to operate by keeping tension only on the focused area. But the rationale behind introducing tension is making sure that you center yourself, focus all your energy into that single movement so you do not lose your form. It is tension that is intentional.

Once again, my workouts teach me about how to show up in the world. In this case, it is about clarity of intention for the stuff I say yes to. It is about the tension or vigilance that I need to keep as I practice my profession.These combined would result to increased energy and vitality. All in all a much better way of living everyday:)

It is easy to feel burdened when a lot of things are uncertain. Our natural tendency as human beings is to succumb to fight or flight is whenever we find ourselves in this state. We feel that we have to hold back from giving freely and fully. There is a certain tightness and stinginess because we believe we do not have enough.

But there is a different way of being, an alternative response that springs from a well of abundance. It is one that calls for generosity. It fills us with a curious sense that we have all that we need and perhaps even more. It calls us to give value first in every interaction we find ourselves in. This openness in turn opens up the universe to set the gears that we need in motion. Perhaps it is about right timing but I would like to see it more as alignment by being present in the world.

I have seen this in action as I entered the first work week of the year. I had to constantly remind myself to let go of the feeling of tightness as I start a personal consultancy practice for the first time. I am a newbie all over again, figuring out this new game. My default would be to tread carefully and tentatively. But perhaps the years of experience and age have given me a bit more confidence to speak to more people about what I am set to do even as a lot of details have yet to be clarified. I also find myself offering to help first and giving value before asking for anything. It is a much better stance. It is one that gives me joy and a genuine sense that things will be alright.

I’ve been taking random dance lessons over the past seven months of the pandemic. It has been a fun way to workout. But more than that, I love the idea of simply dancing without having people around to watch you. I am a frustrated dancer who was told while growing up that my body was too stiff to dance. This must have been planted into my subconscious that even as I love to dance I always feel that I will never be great at it.

Dancing in my room has been so exhilarating. It has allowed me to not worry much about how my movements look, about what I am wearing (or not wearing) or whether I am doing it correctly. The moment I catch myself thinking too much about there’s things, the fun volume lowers down a notch. But then I begin again as if no one’s watching, not even myself.

A recent reading reminded me of the magic that comes out of doing things for their own sake. When you simply do things without caring much about the outcome , when you do not worry about how it will be perceived nor do you fret if you are doing it right- such are acts of pure creation and creativity. It is during these moments that the best work shines through. Dancing n my room has taught me this too. So let’s dance!

I generally get along well with people. There seems to be an ease to when dealing with others. They say I naturally exude warmth that makes them gravitate towards me. A good thing I guess given that I am an introvert.

There is someone though who I struggle to be with. I am constantly bracing myself whenever I am interacting with this person. There always are mixed feelings of annoyance, defensiveness, irritation, incredulousness- such heavy and tight responses. It must be layers upon layers of history, mostly challenging ones.

There is an intent to be more patient and loving toward this individual but my actions speak otherwise. Perhaps I should just try harder. I say this after every interaction. Most of the time I end up feeling guilty when the conversation turns sour yet again. Maybe I should just accept that such is the mark of this relationship and endeavor to stay silent whenever I feel the stirrings of tension

I used to just drink wine. It was all the same to me just differentiated as red, white, rose or sparkling. It served the purpose of getting that buzz without the bloating that comes from beer or the calories from cocktails. But as I drank I also started to discover its nuances. So a newfound curiosity was born.

Wines have stories. They represent the hard work and decisions that the winemakers and workers painstakingly carried out to bring to market a wine with specific characteristics. It also is a story of the land and the factors that make a grape grow and ripen the way they do. It is snapshot of a place at a specific time in history. This is what makes wine fascinating for me.

I love beautiful narratives that tell me more about why things are the way they are. Wines are woven with these tales. There is depth and breadth in the story of wines. I know that I am merely scratching the surface of this curiosity. The thirst to know more is a pleasure as i uncork new insights a bottle at a time.

The quick and time boxed writing of posts is a way for me to exercise my mind to not overthink things. I tend to take a bit of time thinking too much when there is potential risk of failure pr being perceived as not having my act together. Interestingly though a big part of my life is also lived spontaneously and sometimes impulsively. Such duality gives the flavour and fun in my day to day.

The writing allows me to move the thoughts into paper or another medium , a way of clarifying as much as it is a way to free up the headspace. Moving the thoughts elsewhere also gives it the “otherness” that makes it “not me” and therefore may be viewed with objectivity and detachment. It also is an act of doing so it feels like a step undertaken to get closer to further clarity or validation.

So when I feel that I am overthinking, I’ll just write or do something else. The doing something else gives the subconscious some space to rest. It is in this momentary pause that movement happens. The struggling tightens the gears that allows the forward motion. Casting the thinking aside for a while gives our being the much needed release.

The word later has been given a bad rap for signifying a casting aside of tasks that need to get done. It has been synonymous to procrastination which is such a no no with today’s productivity junkies. When someone says to you “later” you start to think that what you asked for is not important enough to merit immediate action.

I am starting to view later though as a reminder to be fully present and immersed in the task on hand. I silently utter it when I find myself beset by worries or thinking about all the things that I need to get done. It is a mental reminder that later will take care of itself if I take care of what is in front of me. Later now becomes a mantra to pay attention.

I remember reading somewhere that there really is nothing wrong or amiss about the present. It is as it should be. It is our rumination about the past and fretting about the future that make this present seem bleak and problematic. So I shall endeavour to say yes to later and focus on the ebbs and flow of every present moment.

The mindset of beginning again is at the core of the meditation practice. It is a way of thinking that I would like to transpose to the other aspects of life. It is a gentler and kinder way to live each day.

Often times we berate ourselves when things don’t go as planned. We feel as if we’ve lost the battle, as if we failed again. The notion of failing again is what gnaws within- “Haven’t I learned my lesson?” Or worse “How can I be so stupid?”

But actually the mistake is an invitation to begin again. It is a call to reflect briefly on what happened so one can start anew, armed with experience and wisdom to do things a bit better, a bit differently. It is a chance to keep trying, to keep striving because ultimately that is the best we can do.

This is what the pandemic has provided us, an extra day. We used to spend at least 4 hours a day in traffic or in transition. Adding this to a full week, that’s over 24 hours spent shuffling or being stuck. Being home has given us another day to create, to spend time with family, to reflect, to move.

I am grateful for this extra day and all the days that have been filled with the things we love and enjoy. The spare time has afforded us the ease and space to shift from task to task, from moment to moment. It has allowed us the time to think through things and even the time to relish each experience. Frequently it is also a time to do nothing which is okay when things start to get a little too frantic.

24 days in total now of extra days. I don’t really keep count but today I was reminded of how much precious additional time we have just because we are at home. It is almost a month’s worth of time we can choose to do (or not to do) to our heart’s content. Looking forward to these “free days” to simply be.