We all have a way of looking at things, based on our context, experience and what has worked for us in the past. I have this tendency to succumb to my usual lens but lately I have been training myself to consider that there are at least two sides to everything. One interpretation might bother us or even hurt us that we end up harboring negative feelings. But if seen from a different light it may actually be a source of grace, and even joy.

Is it stoicism at work, I’m not sure because it is not just about accepting what is but even actively seeking an alternative perspective altogether. I like to frame it as “considering”, because it alludes to a certain openness and curiosity. It also brings to mind the idea of a possibility and this appeals to me. Sometimes it’s easier to accept something if you say, “how about we just consider the possibility of x”.

That gentle nudge to at least give an idea some time of day brings with it a sense of liberation instead of a struggle. There is comfort in being able to say that at least we have tried. I believe too that there is energy and sometimes even genius in succumbing to a genuine curiosity. By allowing, we open ourselves to a kind of living that flourishes rather than strains. This indeed is living generously, a way that is kind to oneself and to others. I’d like to try to live like this each day.

I haven’t stepped into a mall for a while and so I wasn’t ready for the mad dash of people shopping and getting together for the holidays that welcomed me yesterday. I was jarred by the chatter. I was also amused to see all sorts of cute but useless stuff that we’re going off the shelves as people scrambled to find gifts that looked more expensive than they actually cost. The reassuring melody of Christmas carols piping in cast some semblance of order amidst the chaos.

I honestly do not feel the season yet despite all these. I flit from one party to another, not caring much about what our company gave out as gifts to clients or who I picked for the exchange gift. I didn’t even notice that our Christmas tree has been up until my kids pointed it out. My mind has just been filled with other things. And just like the past years I have decided that as long as my children and husband are happy that’s all that matters. The rest can just go by without any engagement from me.

I’ve also been feeling less social and craving for moments of solitude. It may not just be the season’s chatter but my own mind’s that needs to be silenced. The quiet is what energises me to go back to what I do with fervor and resolve. It is the self-care and nourishment that I most need to keep thriving and flourishing. I don’t make any apologies when I have to just set off on my own. Even my kids know that it’s time to play elsewhere when I bring up a bottle of wine, even before I ask for a few minutes of alone time. It’s a good thing that I actually enjoy my own company so my periods of solitude have been nothing but wonderful.

This mindset of choosing to do what makes sense to you and what makes you happy without being drawn to what the world expects or what happens around you is something I would love to keep doing. Not because it’s Christmas that I have to be all jolly and upbeat. Listening to my children’s laughter and their constant chatter is what moves me. Knowing that my husband thought of me and bought me a gift during his whirlwind of a business trip makes my heart flutter. Seeing my team enjoy a simple lunch or chatting with my closest friends engage me. Having a nice cup of coffee as I quiet my mind enriches me. For me that is all that matters. That is Christmas or any other day of choosing what brings me joy.

This post was inspired by an email newsletter by James Altucher.

Running has always stood for more than just a sport for me. It symbolises passion, striving for excellence and showing up everyday. Today it means running towards something. It is bravely plodding on towards a purpose that may not even be certain or for you. It is choosing to do so anyway because it is part of your path now, tied up with your process.

I would like to choose to run towards those that I would’ve shied away from, the hard, uncertain and uncomfortable paths. And I’d like to so too towards those I am curious about, and more so towards those that make me happy. When I choose to run this way, I choose myself. I choose growth.

I feel that I’ve been going through a hyper growth stage lately. Maybe it’s a call to step up the game, to speed up and run faster. But I don’t want to simply look at it this way. This notion leaves me grasping and straining. I’ve seen how I falter when this happens. I’d rather look at it as the world opening itself to welcome and teach me as I run towards it, saying yes to whatever it has in store. It is taking it all in and being fully present as the world reveals itself.

I’m currently fascinated with crypto currency and it’s underlying technology, Blockchain. I’m not a technical person nor am I hardcore learner who would geek out over the details. What I crave for is a genuine understanding and appreciation so that my mind opens up to possibilities of use. I believe this wave of innovation will cause a major shift and I’d like to ride this high and hard. For some reason I think this will shape my future too.

That is why I am learning it the best way I know how, by listening and by consuming content everyday. I treat it similarly as I would treat my training, except this time I am training my mind to absorb all that it can about this technology. If there is one thing I learned from sports, it is the possibility of acquiring new skills by following a program and showing up everyday for it. I want to commit to learning this way too.

I’m such a newbie all over again but I like being in a state of seeing things with a fresh set of eyes. I’ve always thrived in the fringes anyway, happy to have a different perspective. Just like in training I look forward to working with a coach, a mentor who will get me up to speed. I was reminded recently that I assimilate best by listening so I’ve started self coaching by downloading as many podcast episodes on this topic. I have friends who know about this space so I will keep listening to these coaches.

I am excited to learn again, curious about a lot of things and obviously naive about so many more. But I’m not scared that I do not know a lot. I am just happy that my mind is open, learning every single day.

I am still on a high from winning at the Dentsu Aegis Network Female Foundry Program demo day. Our business, TripClub, SEA’s first mobile business travel platform for small and medium enterprises, emerged as the winner among six start-ups from all over Southeast Asia. Being chosen to be part of this program alone was a feat and I was so excited when I first learned that we got in. It is a first for me to experience this.

Two weeks before demo day each of the participants was assigned a mentor. I am very fortunate to have been paired with James Hawkins, Managing Director for APAC of Dentsu X. He has been most helpful in providing clarity as I distilled our business narrative. He is a very busy executive and I truly valued how he carved time to talk to me. He has also given me a fresh perspective with his experience in creatives, performance marketing and community building. Our discussions were always lively and insightful. He even coached me as I polished my pitch a few hours before demo day.

A two-day boot camp was also set-up and this was facilitated by the amazing Anna C. Mallon. Anna coaches start-ups, investors and helps shape corporate innovation for major companies. This part of the program helped me distill my proposition further and introduced a business model canvas that was created by investors, something worth doing as I embark on a fundraising round. It was a great opportunity to also interact from fellow female founders from all over the region and share common experiences and challenges. This community of women coming together made me realise once again that I am not unique in my struggles as a solo female founder. We have similar difficulties and we can learn from and help each other make sense of these.

As I allowed myself to take in fully this entire experience, I realised and was also reminded that I am at my best when I do things beyond myself, beyond just winning or getting ahead of others. I perform best when I strive towards something bigger than my business and personal objectives. I again couldn’t help but ask why I am doing what I am doing. I am building because I hope to inspire entrepreneurs, especially women founders, to plod on and work on their big goals, strive to solve real problems and at the same time build their interests, families and communities. I believe we build ourselves up when we do so and in the process we also create a tribe of women who bring their fullest selves in the work that they do. This is powerful and I want to stand behind and for this. This is my Big Why 🙂

As I stood to pitch, I fumbled a bit at the start, overwhelmed by what I wanted to say. But I caught myself, centred and remembered my mantra- focus, speak with clarity, share your energy. This is what I did and I just gave it my best shot. I felt that the people who put this together for us, and all they invited, everyone who took time out of their busy schedules just to watch us, deserved nothing but the best of efforts. It was no longer about winning but it was about sharing value to all who were present. And being wholeheartedly present as well.

I will be forever thankful for this experience and I am so energised to represent Southeast Asia at the West Tech Fest in Perth this week!

The past days have been a little tough as I try to wrestle for clarity in the work that I do. The process I typically go through to learn and to understand better includes gaining perspectives from different people. I seek out experts and people I trust, asking them what they think and how they view things. But this process is mentally exhausting as much as it is enriching. The process of distilling and then deciding adds to the overall fatigue.

But as an entrepreneur there is no other way but to face this struggle head on. These difficulties won’t go away, we just get used to them as we get stronger and hopefully wiser. However, since it is a long game, it is important to guard our energy. Same as in training, periods of rest should be deliberately woven into our week. For me it is not a day off but it is having some downtime to let thoughts settle and roam freely in the subconscious. This unstructured part of learning may seem passive but it is when connections are made.

Apart from rest, having a respite has been an anchor of sanity. Coming home to someone who I can talk to and bounce off my lingering worries with is my ultimate respite. Even as I brood in my cold silence and defensiveness, there is so much comfort in knowing that I am in a safe space. My exhaustion is palpable but it’s a great thing that my oasis remains strong and real.

I grew up with a sense of scarcity. There always isn’t enough. If I did not move quick enough I would end up with scraps, with nothing. I was always reminded that if I did not act fast someone else will get ahead of me. There was always a feeling of grasping and straining.

A lot of good has come out of this way of growing up though. It gave me a hunger and a strong drive to experience and live fully. It has also taught me independence, that I have to ultimately fend for myself. It has also gifted me with an expansive gratitude and appreciation for all that I have now. Perhaps that’s the reason why I like savoring moments.

This morning i was happy to wake up with a wave of abundance. It must’ve been because of a dream that I no longer remember but I felt a sense of having more than I ever asked for. Experiencing this in various ways has given me so much comfort because I know that I have the capacity to feel content and be in a state of enough. The grasping and straining may not go away and will always be a part of me but there is also a big part that will be grateful for every moment, every now.

Over the weekend, my husband and I went through the 36 questions exercise. These are questions that are supposed to make strangers fall in love with each other. Originally intended as a scientific experiment, it now has evolved into a social one to prove that you can fall in love with anyone just by opening yourself to these queries. At the heart of it is the unfolding of vulnerability as you answer seemingly casual questions.

I wanted to try it with my partner as a way of aligning with each other. Perhaps you may call it assessment, on whether we are still on the same page. Happy to know that we still are and in fact I think more so now. It’s a great reminder to not take relationships for granted and to keep asking away, getting to know the other who you think you know fully.

Then you are asked to stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes. This is not easy even if you are looking at someone closest to you. There is something about looking at one another and allowing to be seen. It feels awkward especially at the start then as you both settle in, your breaths synchronise their rhythm. Then emotions of gratitude well up in me, thankful that I get to spend my life with this person in front of me. When the timer finally went off, I wanted it to last a bit longer, to savour this time of fully being seen and accepted.

36 Questions

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

This morning I encountered a definition of mindfulness that I truly love. Ellen Langer, known as the mother of mindfulness defines it as seeking, creating and noticing the new  in every encounter. It is an attention that deliberately takes a look at the different angles of a reality. It is also an acknowledgement that what we may be perceiving is just one way of doing so since our worldview is dictated by our words and beliefs. I like this definition because it is not tied to a vague notion but a very clear directive of noticing.

When we actively notice we also observe that there is no single way of knowing and doing. This leaves me with comfort that I don’t always have to strive  to be right all the time. My way is just one way and that it is absolutely okay if that doesn’t work out the first time I try. It is also a call not to take ourselves too seriously and be tied to the outcome that we want. It is when we feel that we are not being evaluated all the time that we can take bolder risks. 

I typically get defensive when I am asked questions I don’t know the answer to. I clench up and try to come up with a plausible reply. It has worked for me in the past but lately I have been faced with a lot I don’t know and can’t control. I find myself expressing my uncertainty more often than I want to. Admittedly it has left me feeling vulnerable. But I try to catch myself when these instances happen and remind my heart that everything is a game and all we have to do is show up and play to the best that we can at that exact moment. 

I’ve been using the tag #alwayslearning for the past weeks. Perhaps because I’m going through a hyper learning phase with the knowledge that there is so much more that I don’t know in the space where I want to grow and thrive.  I really do feel like a newbie fumbling and figuring my way around.  This realization would normally leave me grasping and straining as I try hard to seem to get it. But lately I have been  able to manage to be less so, okay that I don’t have ready answers when asked about certain matters. 

At work I see this everyday especially now that a pivot may be necessary to get ourselves to the next level. I have been actively seeking experts, advisors and whoever smart friend I can talk to just to give me perspective. I do know though that ultimately it is on me and my team to distill everything and chart our direction. If before I needed to be right, now I just need to know the next few steps and believe that we will be on the right track somehow. 

So every interaction and experience is a way to learn, a way to get to the next step. Sometimes that is all that matters at the moment. To see progress no matter how minute is fuel for us to keep moving forward.  But it can only ignite if we choose to see each as avenues of growth. The spark of a yes has to be constantly stoked, everyday.