For the past couple of weeks I have just been working on getting back to my optimal healthy state. Now I can say that I am grateful for the period of sickness because it served as a wake up call, jolting me to take stock of my choices. Perhaps I still had a good base to jump off from despite my immune system taking a beating that is why the path to healing has been easy. 

It was not hard to choose to eat healthier and to avoid my previous excesses. This made me realize that we can really curb our guilty pleasures if we set our minds to it. These are still choices that we have a handle on and not totally beyond our control. Food is really a key driver of wellbeing, more than exercise even. I am now at my lightest weight just by eating right. And this is while not training for any race. My gut feel has been much better too, literally and figuratively. 

I feel that I am ready to go back to training too. I’m much stronger but I need to get back to the rhythm and routine of preparing for a race, even if I really don’t have one. This does a lot to my overall healing, actually more on my psyche. I think doing so at this time will be ideal since I am riding on a good health momentum. I can’t wait to just get started. I actually miss feeling sore from a great workout. 

I’d like to stay on this path and maybe this is a time to also consider building up for an A-race. Maybe even qualifying for Boston again. We’ll see:) 

I just finished listening to a podcast interview featuring my new favorite person Maira Kalman. She is a visual artist who delights in the beauty of everyday things. Her illustrations depict joy and whimsy while tackling serious themes. What’s struck me in this particular conversation was the topic on the daily things that we fall in love with.

As children we reveled in all the things around us. The mundane is extraordinary, the everyday sublime. We seem to lose this as we grow older but then try to regain it back as we feel the signs of aging. We try to curb our impulse to rush and rebel against the tendency to keep up with the rest. I’d like to do it sooner rather than later and would want to subscribe instead to a daily dose of falling in love.

So what captivated my attention this morning? The morning drive with my kids was laughter-filled, my Uber driver was right on time, the coffee place that comforts me had my favorite nook available, the cappuccino was divine, the chocolate croissant was crisp and chewy at the same time, I look great in my simple shift dress, I can write again. So many wonderful things and it’s just 7am. I hope these imprint my soul so I remember to have both the little and big things capture my fancy. I think this is a great way to live, finding true spaces, amidst uncertainty, in our day to day. 

Illustration by Maira Kalman

I attended an industry event and one of the board of directors was so proud to announce learning activities that focused on new technology and practices that we need as we navigate the future of work. I was mildly interested in the line up of programs but I was struck by how we prioritize building hard skills versus those that would help us think about how to be in a rapidly shifting world. 

Maybe I was hoping that there also would be initiatives that would teach people not just about conceptual AI and machine learning but about empathy and mindfulness in the context of these. I’d love to be taught how to learn better in this perpetually shifting age. I am excited to listen to people talk about ways of thinking and decision making as they critically wrestle with these new realities. I would clamor for discussions around why we do what we do and how clarifying our intent allows us to learn clearly as well. 

I just feel that we need to learn more about the stuff that make us human and not just those that we think will protect us from obsolescence. What we need to put our best work on are those that are lasting and universal. It all seems so vague, hazy and up there but I do think that it is important to always keep these as the main focus of our productivity and constantly try to understand why we do the things we do and why we strive to be better at work, play and life in general everyday.

I chanced upon a podcast entitled “Think, Have Fun and be a Mench”. It delved into one’s desire to learn new things, to engage with the world fully and to bring the full self in all that one does. I’d like to live this way everyday and thus I’m embracing this as my own mantra. Plus it has my own name on it. 

But what is a “mench”? It actually is a Yiddish term for a good person. It is someone you would want to be close friends with. Or at work, she is a trusted colleague. It connnotes a person with compassion, a positive energy that just draws people in. I’d like to be this person, striving to act always with goodness and kindness. Not the easiest thing to do but it’s good to have this as a constant focus. 

Interestingly, being a mench is also about shedding the ego and instead thinking of the other. It is not about me but you. There is also a shifting from the “I” to the “We”. It is when we also see the goodness that one has to offer that we understand better, becoming emphatic individuals who see things beyond their own struggles. I say it is interesting because it is only when we let go of the self that is perpetually grasping and holding that we fully find ourselves and more so as we use our energy to give to another. So yes, I’d like to be a mench every day. 

We often get frustrated when some people take advantage of us because we are such understanding and good natured individuals. We feel bad when they criticize us or speak to us in a way that makes us feel small. But what we forget is that we are ultimately in charge of what we allow others to do to us. This threshold may vary from person to person but what is important to remember is that people will only keep on doing these things to us if we don’t say anything about it. Sometimes we have to put our foot down and tell people off. Or we simply walk away from situations that don’t honor and respect who we are. We are the main guardian of our hearts. 

Setting our threshold also means defining what is unacceptable to us, what our non-negotiables are. We articulate this in our words and actions and don’t assume that people will know. Deliberate communication of what is most important to us is necessary. This clarity sets our boundaries and also helps others understand how best to deal with us. The people who are closest to us have the capacity to hurt us the most and therefore it is imperative they understand what ticks us off more than anyone else. 

For people with high tolerance for a diverse set of people’s behaviors there is a risk of abuse. Same with people who exude empathy. I am one of these types and therefore it is valuable to know when to walk away when certain situations or even relationships don’t work out anymore. My threshold is quite high but when it is crossed I usually react by fleeing entirely. I can be unforgiving that way, something I need to work on a bit more. But it’s good to have a self awareness of these things because ultimately we are our wellbeing’s only custodian. 

Alain de Botton’s new novel, “The Course of Love” is nothing short of exquisite. Weaving fiction with a philosophical take on modern love and what it truly entails and encompasses, it pierces at the various chambers of my heart. It prods me to take stock on how my personal history, my current context and my vision come together in the evolution of my relationships.

The book talks about how our childhood experiences of love and belonging shape our adult life choices. This has prompted a self reflection on how a big part of what I value in my most intimate relationships is hinged on needs that I felt were unmet. Consistency and reliability are what I seek and treasure, values that I also try to embody because I’d like to give what I want to receive. These same virtues have helped me explore my edges knowing that I have an anchor that will hold me together despite grazing the fringes. 

It also touches on the notion of desire that springs from the new and different. In a loving and stable relationship it is easy to take the road of complacency and comfort. I believe that we have to strive to be interesting to our partners by cultivating our independence and interests. This is my current context.  It is in the spaces in between our relationships where we flourish as beautiful individuals. I am a staunch supporter of self-care as a means to keep the well of giving full and generous. 

What ties this book together for me is the lesson on helping each other become the best and fullest version of ourselves. It is not about conforming our partner to the ideals and expectations we’ve built in our heads but letting him grow into the person he ought to be. It dispels the romantic view of having your life partner fulfill all the roles that you need – doting husband, sensual lover, dedicated dad, best friend, confidante, wise mentor, etc. But instead offers a much more compassionate worldview that is marked by an acceptance that he can’t be all of this but that his whole self who strives and tries everyday is more than enough. Ultimately it is the ordinary, mundane and everyday loving that is lasting and worthwhile. 

I now say yes to every chance to be in front of an audience. Such is not my natural state and I’d rather be at the sidelines working on making sure the show carries on without any hitch. But I say yes now as an exercise of getting outside of what I know and deliberately choosing to do the uncomfortable. This is where growth starts. 

Today I will go up on stage to do my first improv performance. It’s not much if you think about it, just a bunch of games played in front of an audience. It is the act of putting myself up there that is daunting. Opening up to a state of vulnerability makes me cringe. But I’d like to frame this as excitement instead of gut wrenching nervousness. It’s the same sensation anyway. 

What is extra challenging is dealing with not being fully well from the bout of sickness that I’ve just had for the past weeks. I feel bloated and puffy. My energy is not at its optimal. But I decided to leave these at the door, to leave my ego behind and not make things about me. This is the gift of improv, to give up one’s self and make it about the story of giving. Instead I choose to make the other look good and just be generous with what I offer. Okay here goes nothing, and something! 

Ito ang tanong ng Uber driver sa akin. Napatigil ako at napaisip. Kamusta nga ba ako? Bihira akong matanong nito. Madalas ako ang nagtatanong nito sa mga pinakamalapit sa akin. Hindi ako magaling sa kamustahan. Bilang ang mga taong kinukusa kong makita at kung magkita man madalas ang kwentuhan ay pangangamusta sa kanila. Hindi ako sanay matanong kung kamusta naman ako. 

Gusto ko palang matanong kung ano ang nangyayari sa akin, kung ano ang saloobin at kung ano ang naglalaro sa aking isipan. Ninanais ko ring magbahagi at maghayag ng kung anuman ang bumabagabag sa akin. Pero gusto kong yayain mo ako. Ako naman ang kamustahin mo.

Masarap magkwento nang walang pakundangan at pag-aalinlangan. At kung maubos ang lahat ng masasabi, komportableng katahimikan ay sapat. Paghahaya at pakikinig ay biyaya ng ganitong kamustahan. Mabuting tandaan na minsan kailangan ito ng bawat isa, isang simpleng “kamusta ka?” 

I haven’t been seriously sick since I was 8 years old. That is why now that my immune system took a beating and am on mandatory house rest, I realized that I don’t know how to get sick. I’m out of sorts trying to put some semblance of control after facing yet another reminder that we can’t fully hold what goes on in our lives. More so since the illness that struck me has no known source. It just awakens when the body is rendered weak. 

When I was told to rest and stay still for a week, I immediately set my mind in motion as I tried to map out how my week will go. I had specific tasks that I wanted done, stuff that I’ve been putting off that now I could do.  But this morning’s experience where I passed out after a bad episode completely turned my well laid plans inside out. I initially wanted to start my week with a morning routine as a way of taking the reins of my week. But even this I could not do. 

This whole experience is leaving me with a lot to think about. It’s a good thing that I am given this time to do so. I haven’t been the healthiest and most diligent in training lately so perhaps this contributed to the physical strain. Maybe I need to work on improving the frameworks of the other aspects of my wellbeing. It’s not just because I’m pretty stable in these things that I should take these for granted and not further hone. There always is room to get better. What I need to do is  to find that comforting rhythm again that gives me such consolation and belief that everything will be alright. For now I’ll try to be content to simply keep still until I’m fully well. 

I spent this recent long weekend learning improv. “The Joy of Improv” was an intensive three-day program that introduced seasoned actors and newbies with no stage background (like myself) to the wonderful world of making things up. 

I originally thought that improv is about being funny, witty and chatty. Just like stand up comedy. So I was worried that I wouldn’t be any of these. Such a relief then when we were  told that it was instead rooted in play and all we needed to do was bring our full selves. But I found out that it is so much easier said than done. I straddled between joy and fear trying to get out of my head. That is when the magic happens. 

I didn’t  realize that this deliberate choice to learn how to not think too much would get me to ponder about principles of being that I’ve been ruminating on for the past months. I’d like to share some of these surprising discoveries and seemingly contradicting learnings.

Bring your full self. Then forget about it. 

It is very interesting that improv is not about the self even if it takes inspiration from our individual histories and circumstances. It is shaped by our personal contexts but it does not reside in the ego. It is the well from which we may draw material from but once an offer of the self is made, we let it go as it assumes whatever form through the thread of conversation. 

Generously give so you can create more. 

I’ve always considered myself as a giver but  I did not realize that a generosity of self is something I would struggle with. I tend to keep the self as an entity close to my heart. The compulsion is to hold back and tighten up, resulting in a response that feel forced and contrived. A stance anchored on generosity lends itself to creation and creativity. 

Focus on that which you shouldn’t focus on. 

The idea of hard and soft focus is one of the most striking learnings from the workshop. Getting out of your head, avoiding the over fixation on how things should be is quite difficult. We are typically told to have our eye on the objective. But only when we shift our gaze and attention on another can we allow our subsconscious to drive our performance in accordance with the process and training we undertook. Soft focus on what we ought to do and hard focus on an action that we can do over and over, true in improv as well as in sports and even life in general.

Say yes and just jump in. 

The act of saying yes is a permission bestowed on another to work with and through you.  The yes is a leap by itself but what happens after you utter it is not entirely up to you. A bigger jump is necessary. In improv, where you will be thrust in a situation to step in to save another from a loss of words, I oscillate between the desire to relieve him from his uneasiness and the tendency to hold back for self preservation. I’d like to save someone from their discomfort but doing so will take me right smack at the center of vulnerability. No other way to get past this than by saying yes over and over again. 

Let go to have rhythm. 

Improv is an exercise of letting go. Ridding one’s self from old notions, set ways, tried and tested tendencies, automatic crutches and accepted norms. It is an act of allowing, a permission to just be at that exact moment. Only when we shake these off and tune in to what is here and now will we find our beat and that of another. 

Movement takes you out of your head, driving meaningful thought. 

I was told to move and act first before thinking, counterintuitive to what we were taught all our lives. But it was in doing so that I got to unlock quick insights that were on point, perfect for that exact moment. Perhaps it is the subconscious at work here and movement is but a trigger to get it to flow freely. I like it but it honestly takes some getting used to. 

Embrace your physicality and sensuality. 

I’ve always known that I am a physical and sensual person  and this was further validated in improv. I was told to embrace it further so I can use it to find and tell my story. I’m beginning to understand why and keeping at it gives my reality increased clarity and resonance. This is one of my richest wellsprings that I can tap wholeheartedly. 

Improv has been good for me and I can see myself going back to its principles again and again.