Last night my husband and I were having a conversation about why women, especially moms, have a harder time pursuing personal projects. The discussion was in the context of the culmination of the “Road to Majors” project that I have been working on for the past five years. I realized that it is not as common for moms to pursue something not for anyone else but for themselves. There always is that guilt over how the time and energy spent to take on such endeavors is time that would be better used to take care of the family. It is easy to lose one’s self in the course of daily work and home routines, amidst the everyday chores that we just have to get out of the way. 

As a mom, we are pulled in different directions, everyone wanting to have a piece of our time. There is nothing like the joy of taking care of the family. I realized though that for this joy to be in perpetual abundance, we have to give ourselves the constant permission to find pockets of time that are dedicated entirely for ourselves. It may be literally a quiet time in solitude. It could be time to just have a nice cup of tea to just slow down and to let thoughts just freely swarm in our perpetually occupied minds. It could be pursuing a craft or an interest. Or working on a personal cause. 

In my case, I chose running and training for marathons. I realized the world will not stop and my kids will be okay even if I spend an hour of each day training. Doing so has actually allowed me to be a happier  spouse and parent. I also feel that I give myself more to my work because I try to apply the same intensity and rigor from running into business. Training also opened up the possibility that everything is a skill that may be learned and that even as I fumble as a newbie in business, the skills I need to get better may be achieved with practice. This is another clear manifestation of one of the key principles I believe in – that how we do one thing is really how we do everything. 

It is important that we never cease to give ourselves the permission to take care of the self. It is in doing so that we become more of who we are, individuals who strive to find ourselves  in the lives that we lead daily. It comforts me knowing  that we can find happiness when we choose to find time to get to know ourselves in the things we spend our precious time on. 

I saw on my feed yesterday that the World Marathon Majors have launched a new website. So I just quickly browsed through it and lingered over a photo of the Six Star Medal. This is the medal that individuals who have run all six of the marathon majors- Berlin, Chicago, New York, London, Tokyo and Boston- receive together with a certificate bearing their finishing times. I remember seeing this when it was launched last year at the Tokyo Marathon. I was emotional looking at it and looking at the photo exhibit depicting the wonderful emotions seen in these races. I also vividly recall how I reminded myself that one day I will get one. 

2012 was the start of this journey when I first learned about the majors when I saw an exhibit about it at the Berlin Marathon. I thought then, “wouldn’t it be nice if I get to finish the world’s major races?”.So I spent the next years just finding my own means to put together travel and running international marathons. When I finished 5 out of 6 in 2015 I said I will work to complete this. Boston was the last one, the hardest to get into because of the rigid time requirements. I tried to do a Boston qualifier in 2015 but failed so I said I’d try again. And I finally got to do so last year at the Tokyo Marathon. 

So this “Road to Majors” project is five years in the making. As I prepare to run Boston this coming April I am reminded of how much running and racing has shaped me over these years. It has allowed me to transpose the same dedication and rigor into the other aspects of my life. It has taught me the value of showing up everyday no matter what. It has given me a perspective against which I view habits and consequently, happiness. It now is compelling me to put myself out there more so I can help others too as they go through a similar journey. We all can achieve our own six stars, we just gotta show up everyday. 

I love this line by Rumi because in its simplicity it captures the wholeness and complexity of the self. Lately I’ve been extra curious about this duality that seems to be part of every individual. I’m intrigued how this polar nature shapes decision making and how it frames our world view. I personally think that it makes experiences richer when viewed from opposing lenses of light and dark. The layering makes things a bit more interesting. 

This is not saying that we have to unnecessarily complicate matters by filtering through multiple and diverse perspectives all the time. It is simply pointing out that within us are contradictions that make us into the dynamic beings that we are and this is the filter through which we see the world.   Knowing this allows us to see our full selves in our choices. It is embracing the shadow as much as we accept our lightness. 

Brene Brown reminds us to keep this shadow in front of us so we can see it, so it is not lurking within where it can wreak havoc. If it is in front of us, if we are mindful of it we know what it’s up to and can deal with it squarely. We might address it disparagingly at times but what works better is gently talking to it like we would coax a loved one. This gentle self awareness is a form of self care that we owe to ourselves. No one else will care for us in this manner than the self who is with you and who you have to live with every second of the day. 

I just started another book,”Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes”. I was surprised to find out that it talks about mindfulness and being very keen to what is happening at the moment. The first few pages delved into the difference between seeing and observing. It puts both in the context of habit and describes how we breeze through our days without really fully absorbing the nuances that shape our daily experiences.

Routines are important to get things done. I am all for it. It is interesting though that as we go through our daily cycle we become oblivious to things that we consider as “unnecessary” in carrying out these tasks. Or we gloss over the details that we see day to day. Habits give us the focus that we need but it also makes us blind to the little things. We see it as an operative part of carrying out what we have to do but we don’t really observe. Observation is putting thought and attention to the minute in the everyday. 

I’d like to practice observation in the context of routine. I’m a such a creature of habit and this is how I know how to do things. It is part of my nature. But I also do know that it can be shaped better by mindfulness. I’d like to pay attention, think things through as I go through a day of checklists. I’d like to listen to people, to situations and have a keener sense to the pulse of my days. 

“When it comes to the world, I want to touch it, taste it, feel it and indefinitely hold it.” (From Little Failure by Gary Shteyngart) 

This morning I fell from my head stand. If there is one thing that has stopped me from just letting go and easing into this part of the yoga practice it is the fear of falling. I’ve overthought this and have played various worst case scenarios in my head- from breaking my neck to getting paralyzed. But it happened and it wasn’t so bad. If this is the thing that I so fear and it did not kill me then I’ll be fine and can surrender more into this practice. 

A taste of failure is necessary to remind us that sometimes the stories in our heads are worst than what could actually happen. We know this rationally but still we constantly have to be reminded to get out of our heads so we may move forward. Tim Ferris shares that he does a monthly practice of subsisting on just beans, living a spartan lifestyle so he can experience what it may be like if he lost all his money. He did not die and he found out that he could take it and that it’s not so bad. So yeah, a lot of our everyday struggles can actually be dealt with if we come to terms with our psyche. 

For the next few months I’ll be meeting a lot of people to present what I have built. I am bracing myself for rejections and cringing at the thought of going through this. I’ve done this before but this time around it is for something that I started myself. Self doubt starts to seep in when I think about possibly being criticized or failing to deliver what we promise. I want to be super ready and prepared for anything but I realized I can’t ever be. I just have to let the process run its course as I put myself out there, learning along the way. I will just have to constantly remind myself that I will not die and the world will not stop if I hear another NO. I just have to remember that I will never be fully ready and the best I can do is just attempt and keep trying. 

I did a half marathon on the treadmill yesterday and to keep me sane I binged on Magic Lessons podcasts. When I listen to these interviews I try to answer the questions posed on the creatives. These are the people who come up on air to talk about their struggles as they strive to create with courage and compassion. One of the questions that kept on surfacing is why we do what we do even if no one will like it or even if we don’t make money out of it. I’ll attempt to answer this today.

WHY I RUN

I wake up before the world awakes, pounding on the treadmill without breakfast in my belly, clocking in mileage while my family sleeps soundly. I’ve spent countless hours training and spent money traveling for it. I have goals and target times but the achievement of which are not a real priority and are not the real reasons why I show up everyday. If I don’t make those times I’d be fine. But I run because of the sheer joy of it. And this joy springs from choosing to spend my time to run. There is so much happiness in having a sense of control over how one spends her time. Time is the scarcest of resources and to decide to use it for something that clearly does not have any monetary gain and to do it for no one else seem selfish. But there is so much life value to be gained from just doing things for their own sake and living meaningfully in every undertaking of it.

WHY I WRITE

I’ve been writing everyday for the past couple of months. Do I care if people read it? Not really. I don’t get disheartened when I see that my blog stats show no views for the day. I don’t actively promote what I write not because I’m scared of what people might think about it but because I choose to write simply for the joy of putting my thoughts into words. It is an added and valuable bonus to have people tell me that my writings have resonated with them. This gives me happiness. But the act of creating content, this very clear manifestation of creativity that is churned out everyday, is in and by itself the source of joy. Why not just journal in private? Because putting one’s creation out there is an act of courage that I’d like to practice so I learn to do it for the bigger aspects of my life. The bravery to be seen and be vulnerable is something that I’d like to hone and I think writing will help me with this. 

WHY I BUILD

I would like to believe that I’m called to be a builder. In this case, a builder of business. I am still a bit hesitant because I think that I’m not ready for this. Sometimes I catch myself feeling small and lacking in confidence whenever I can’t figure out shit. But then again I’m surrounded by people who believe I can and who are there to teach me to be a better builder. This part of my life takes up most of my time now. I’ve chosen to focus on this and pour my heart into this. Why? Because I just want to create something meaningful everyday. Because I want to spend time learning to build and then just building away. I want to take an expansive and audacious vision  and turn this into granular actions that I can work on a daily basis. I want to do work that matters everyday. So even if I don’t get to achieve all the goals and targets, I’d like to keep on plodding on because showing up and being present to it is all that matters. 

So why do I do what I do? Because why not 🙂 

Today I woke up feeling blah and didn’t have the energy to do my required training. My body and mind were both telling me to just spend the morning taking it easy and to just read my email. But I am such a soldier and will do as needed if the program calls for it. So I strike a deal to at least try to get started with today’s training. And before I could overthink it I just hopped on the treadmill. I negotiated  and dealt with my sluggish self an interval at a time. This did wonders to my psyche, much needed boost if I may say. Every time I persist despite the voices in my head, something unlocks in me. That I can be capable of something special if I set my mind on it. 

However this doggone stubbornness also has its flipside. I will keep on pounding the pavement even if sometimes it no longer is working out for me just because I already started it. I may continue doing a task over and over again, going on autopilot, just because I have built a routine around it. Because of this, I risk getting injured or burned out or uncreative. It’s a good thing that I have become more self aware of this tendency over the past years, more so in the last few months. 

Nevertheless I am glad I started. Today’s Big Magic podcast  spoke of the three lists  after a marathon. The first one shows the list of those who finished and their corresponding finishing times. The second one which is also quite lengthy is the DNF list- did not finish. The last one,  is called DNS- did not start.  It is an infinite list. Yes it is great to finish what we started but even if we didn’t at least we got started. There is much to be said about simply starting. So carry on and keep showing up. 

I’ve been consuming a lot of content lately related to first principles. I’m currently drawn to frameworks or ways of being in this world that may be applied across all aspects of our lives. Last night’s lesson was on the principle of always thinking of delighting the other, bringing fun and enthusiasm as you find a genuine connection where magic springs from. It is doing something with the intent to make the person in front of you delighted. 

It is a generous way of living, especially in a world marked by narcissism and egocentrism. I know I’ve been writing much about self care and keeping your own identity and self worth even in the presence of another. I think we should continue to do so because it is not opposed to thinking about the other. Giving to the other and creating something bigger than ourselves is a great source of joy. But we can give more and do more if we make sure that our own well is filled up. Abundance always begets abundance. 

When we choose to delight the other we also choose to bring our full self to every interaction. We lean into each situation, offering our enthusiasm, our lightness and our vibrance. And we create moments of magic as we do so. This daily practice allows an infusion of mystery and wonder into even the most mundane and ordinary. And that’s a life time worth showing up for everyday. 

I’m not into astrological practices but the past two days I’ve been experiencing what they call stars aligning. Sometimes there are things that you want and it’s given to you when you most need it. Instead, I believe in begging to a supreme being and to the universe for the grace that you need. The answer may not be always yes. It could be not now. But it’s a surreal experience when you are given what you ask for. What is more interesting is if you are given something that you may not have fully articulated but what is truly needed. 

Over the past months, I’ve been a hesitant business builder. I feel that I didn’t really have the chops and the smarts to be a start up founder. I was worried that one of these days I’d be found and discovered as an impostor, that I was really just a “wantpreneur”. But over the course of figuring things out I’ve come to embrace the value that I can bring to the table. I’ve also accepted that I cannot fully know or be certain about everything. And that things may not work out. But that there is joy in showing up and trying everyday. So in a way it is by putting yourself out there that you help in “aligning things”.

It is not a passive waiting for things to just line up. It is an active, mindful and day to day decision to be present in the work that we do so we can be ready when opportunities strike. It is similar to a writer sitting down on his desk at the same time everyday to type up words even if he is not inspired to do so. Inspiration doesn’t just come, you work for it and you prepare for it. Some days are better than others but we just have to keep on showing up, whether things align or not. 

I love Brene Brown and I think a lot of what I write about spring from reading her books. So I would like to share verbatim her guideposts for wholehearted living so I will always remember:

TEN GUIDEPOSTS FOR WHOLEHEARTED LIVING 

1. Cultivating authenticity: letting go of what people think 

2. Cultivating self-compassion: letting go of perfectionism 

3. Cultivating a resilient spirit: letting go of numbing and powerlessness 

4. Cultivating gratitude and joy: letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark

 5. Cultivating intuition and trusting faith: letting go of the need for certainty 

6. Cultivating creativity: letting go of comparison 

7. Cultivating play and rest: letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth 

8. Cultivating calm and stillness: letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle 

9. Cultivating meaningful work: letting go of self-doubt and “supposed to” 

10. Cultivating laughter, song, and dance: letting go of being cool and “always in control”