Amanda Palmer’s book “The Art of Asking or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help” is an absolute gem. It is interesting that I am listening to her narrate it as I am starting on a business around asking. I find it ironic too finding myself on this path knowing that I am a person who would rather do the hard thing instead of ask for anything. I cringe at the thought of asking for help. I have always seen independence as one of my strongest pillars. I used to feel, and sometimes I still do, that if ask I would be seen as inept or inadequate. That maybe I just didn’t try hard enough.

It has just been in the past few months that I started to ask more for what I need help on, for what I want or for what I don’t know. Not an easy thing to do for someone so used to fending for herself. Whenever I do, I feel stirrings of self doubt, that maybe people will judge me for not figuring it out myself. But what I realised is that people genuinely want to help and be of service. They are not judging me. It is me judging myself and listening to my judgy stories.

I think I am not the only one in this world who fear asking for help. Perhaps this is the reason why this AskGina venture triggers such passion in me. I would like people to ask more for what they need and accept that it’s okay to ask for help. We do not become less of who we are when we do. In fact asking is additive because it provides an opening to give and invites a response of gratefulness. So let us keep asking 🙂

As I embark on a new business I want to bring in a sense of curiosity at the heart of it. I’ve always been a curious creature or at least I try to be. I did not grow up asking questions or speculating about things. It is just now when I am all grown up that I intentionally choose to follow my nose and ask more.

It’s funny I realise this while building a product around asking. I’ve always been hesitant to ask because of the fear of being seen as stupid. I also rarely ask for help because I might be perceived as weak or inept. It is really about my ego and me wanting to look good to others. But if I choose curiosity I also choose to shed this self who is always wanting to seem perfect.

So I will further choose to be extra curious, asking why or how come and understanding the thought process behind people’s decisions and behaviours. In a way this investigation is also an introspection to comprehend why I think and do the way I do. It’s also a call to humility as I frequently catch myself saying “I don’t know” but then immediately followed up by “but let us figure it out or let us find out why.” Or let us simply ask someone.

I choose to believe that people want to do good and trust that they have the best of intentions. Sometimes though we are just overwhelmed by what needs to get done or by the dire situation that we are faced with. The seemingly large thing that we think we need to grapple with stops us on our tracks.

But if we simply choose to do the next right thing, then we move forward and actually accomplish something. Just by doing something no matter how small is already progress. It is also the same at work. It is so easy to just wallow in the tons of stuff to do and so we end up multitasking and not finishing anything or ending up with mediocre results.

However it is also not about ticking off stuff from a list for the sake of doing so. It is about discerning on whether these are the tasks that we ought to do given the intention we chose to start on. It is always asking ourselves if this is the best use of the limited time that I have today. If the answer is yes, then there is no other way but to do this next right thing.

I enjoy conversations more when they are real and light. When people say what is on their mind and what they mean without pretence, it is such a refreshing thing in a world where filters are the norm. Especially when the kind of interaction happens with people who you think would be too formal or on the other extreme, too superficial. I guess a lesson for me here is to not attach labels to people and just take them as how they are present to me, to always see the humanness in every conversation.

Even as I speak about business or when I find myself in a professional setting, I would like to practice keeping it real. It allows me to not be too fixated with outcomes or expectations but simply being open and aware of the unique presence of the person in front of me. That is being kind. That is being wholehearted. That is being human.

It ties in as well with the desire to bring the full self in everything I do. It is the same real self that carries on across the different aspects of the lives we lead. It folds in beautifully into the belief that how we do one thing is how we do everything. If we keep it real whenever and wherever, we work towards becoming our most authentic best selves. That is worth striving for.

I have just finished listening to Michelle Obama’s book, Becoming, on Audible. It is such a treat and a wonderful experience listening to an autobiography read by the author herself. I surely will miss her whispering her stories of self evolution during my daily run and commute. From her I was reminded again that all we can strive for is forward motion as we journey towards our fullest selves.

It is such a cliche but the point of the movement is not about arriving at a destination but about the journey and the process. We need to be patient with ourselves as we embark on this. Sometimes we get frustrated because we don’t see any marked gains. Other times we are so into the midst of it that we feel we are just getting by, going along without having full agency of our lives. But as we roll with this momentum, no matter how minute, we are saying yes and embracing the self that is evolving and becoming.

Becoming is also about rigor. This is necessary if we are called to patience which can wear thin especially if the self takes a beating. The act of showing up no matter what is that which will keep the wheels turning. The commitment to keep at it is fuel for the motion. Patience with ourselves and our seemingly slow progress is not enough. We only have so much willpower to get going. But if we choose to move each day, deliberately then our Becoming also becomes meaningful and intentional.

This week is about striving. I have just started on a new venture and everything seems different and unfamiliar. I find myself feeling compelled to just go with what I was used to but then I remind myself that this is a good opportunity to do things differently. I’m simply allowing myself to take it all in. What I’ve been focusing more on is trying harder.

I know how it is to work hard and I believe that putting in the effort is the only way to get better at things. What I am a bit worried about is that even if I try hard it wouldn’t be enough. Or rather “I would not be enough”. Perhaps it is the newness that causes me to feel these waves of self doubt. It has not escaped me after all these years.

I don’t want to dwell on it as much so the best I can do is to try and show up everyday. As I do so I would like to not be as serious about my attempts and see the fun and play in what I am doing. I need to constantly nudge myself when I get too fixated on the outcome or on looking good. I would like to choose curiosity over correctness. And I would like to give first before I even ask for anything. I hope this openness coupled with the striving would do me a lot of good.

I was overwhelmed yesterday. It was my first day at a new venture. Everything felt new and uncertain. I was just tired at the end of the day. As I reflected why this was so I realised that it was because I was trying too hard and putting my best foot forward, wanting to look good and smart. I felt that the day’s success would be hinged on me figuring it out before everyone else.

But that is not the point of this journey. It is actually a period of making mistakes and failing fast. I then told myself that I will see it more as play, as a sandbox to test my own beliefs and assumptions. And most of these could be wrong but that’s okay. I’ll be okay. I need to remind myself of this.

It’s not an easy state for me to be a newbie even if I say I’m open to this. The early stages scare me because of the uncertainty. But I think I am much better at it than the first three times I’ve done it. I’d like to believe that I have learned something from all these failures and experiences. And I am still learning anew, showing up all over again everyday.

Getting started is the hardest, in anything. It takes a lot of activation energy to move from zero to one. There will always be a ton of reasons to just coast along, going with the default. We need a large chunk of our willpower to veer from business as usual. I wonder though if this dilemma may be addressed if we just say “C’mon let’s go” even before we feel we are ready.

One can never be fully ready. There are things that ultimately are not within our control. Despite our efforts, we can only manage what we can, plan up to a certain extent, work on the process and map out possible scenarios. The outcomes are out of our hands. Knowing and accepting this as a reality will embolden us to go ahead and simply do the work.

So this adherence to the process and not the outcomes, coupled with a “let’s go” mindset, can be our working tools as we go out and create. Whatever we choose to build, these two will help us get past the fears that hold us back from the magic of making something. So , what are we waiting for? C’mon, let’s go!

The past week has got me consuming as much content as I can. Sometimes it makes me feel so overwhelmed. Other times I feel that I am no longer able to appreciate what I am reading. But I have chosen to just keep at it to make sure that the habit of deliberate learning is imprinted in me. I just need to balance it so as not to over do and get burnt out by reading too much.

What I want to do now is to learn how to learn better. I have cast a wide net by simply reading but I do know that at some point I have to work on retaining information, analysing this knowledge and having my own insights about the stuff that I read. I would like to be able to share my thoughts in a succinct, simple and concise manner. I believe that it is only when I am able to articulate it clearly in my own words and apply it in the things I am doing or thinking that I can say that I have truly gained an understanding of the topic.

But for now I will just keep reading, figuring out how best I learn in a state of constant content consumption. I am also curious which topics will hold my attention and so I can veer more toward that. I am keen on discovering how one interest could lead to another as I cobble together a framework of learning that works for me. There are many out there but I have yet to find one that I can make my own, perhaps with a few tiny tweaks.

I have just finished the book Mastering Fear by Brandon Webb. It is one of the best books I have ever read. Maybe it is because I could easily relate to the stories of fear and doubt he shared in the book. I could easily be one of the characters who was struggling with being afraid and uncertain. I could also see myself using the methods he recommended as I continue to see my fear as an ally I could dance with and not overcome.

With the learning gleaned from the book, I feel that I am equipped with a ready practice I may apply when faced with the first stirrings of fear. I like having a framework that I can go to whenever I feel uncertain, it gives me comfort. From here I can breathe and navigate better with clarity. I will treat this as an essential part of my life tool kit.

We all have our fears and it is good to take stock of what these are so we can live fuller lives. I believe there is magic in lifting and letting go of the fearful lids that we constantly carry with us. There is a much better state of being that is available if we choose courage and accept fear as an essential part of our everyday. It is that nervous energy that will always remind us how great it is to be alive amidst those that matter to us.